KH: The Great Gummi Road Trip, Preview
Jul. 1st, 2006 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laneroseTitle: The Great Gummi Road Trip, Preview
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts II
For:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ladylore
Rating: PG
Characters: Riku, Sora
The Great Gummi Road Trip, Preview
For Lady Lore
“Sora!” Riku roared. The brown haired boy in question laughed as he twisted backwards, effortlessly escaping from Riku’s floundering attempts to capture him. He moved with practiced ease out of the older boy’s reach, gracefully gliding through the water. Green eyes glared at him.
“What’s the matter, Riku?” Sora asked, not bothering to hide his smirk from the safe distance of several yards away. He threw up his hands as he shrugged. “I thought you said you knew how to swim?”
“I do.” Riku growled, flipping once experimentally only to get tangled up in himself.
“In fact,” Sora continued, darting quickly around the silver-haired boy, “I thought you said something about swimming circles around me.” Just because he could, Sora took several more speedy laps around his friend as the other boy tried helplessly to orient himself. The keyblade master came to a halt and grinned superiorly at his older companion. “Who’s swimming circles around who now?”
“Sora!” Riku replied, taut lines showing prominently on his face. He batted furiously at the water, struggling ever so slowly towards Sora, only to have the brunet dodge easily out of reach again. Sora was laughing at him again, too.
“You’re thinking too much, Riku.” The younger boy said, a broad smile spread across his face. “It’s easy, I promise! Just use your hips!”
Riku raised an eyebrow warily at Sora. The brown haired boy shrugged, and took yet another lap around his hapless friend. Riku watched him go. After a moment, he experimentally shifted his hips forward and back. The lower half of his body reiterated the movement with a natural ease that the silver haired boy hadn’t expected it to have, and he was suddenly ten feet higher than he had been.
“See?” Sora’s voice held an obvious note of triumph as Riku practiced the new motion, getting used to the feel of it.
“You’re right, Sora.” Riku replied as he swam closer to his friend. “It really isn’t that difficult at all.” He grabbed the brown haired boy into an overly-tight headlock that went a bit past friendly.
“You’re still in trouble for not telling me about needing a tail to visit your friend Ariel, though.” Riku said, giving Sora an aggressive noogie as he practiced using the new appendage to propel the two of them through the water.
Sora winced, and nodded in response.
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts II
For:
ladyloreRating: PG
Characters: Riku, Sora
For Lady Lore
“Sora!” Riku roared. The brown haired boy in question laughed as he twisted backwards, effortlessly escaping from Riku’s floundering attempts to capture him. He moved with practiced ease out of the older boy’s reach, gracefully gliding through the water. Green eyes glared at him.
“What’s the matter, Riku?” Sora asked, not bothering to hide his smirk from the safe distance of several yards away. He threw up his hands as he shrugged. “I thought you said you knew how to swim?”
“I do.” Riku growled, flipping once experimentally only to get tangled up in himself.
“In fact,” Sora continued, darting quickly around the silver-haired boy, “I thought you said something about swimming circles around me.” Just because he could, Sora took several more speedy laps around his friend as the other boy tried helplessly to orient himself. The keyblade master came to a halt and grinned superiorly at his older companion. “Who’s swimming circles around who now?”
“Sora!” Riku replied, taut lines showing prominently on his face. He batted furiously at the water, struggling ever so slowly towards Sora, only to have the brunet dodge easily out of reach again. Sora was laughing at him again, too.
“You’re thinking too much, Riku.” The younger boy said, a broad smile spread across his face. “It’s easy, I promise! Just use your hips!”
Riku raised an eyebrow warily at Sora. The brown haired boy shrugged, and took yet another lap around his hapless friend. Riku watched him go. After a moment, he experimentally shifted his hips forward and back. The lower half of his body reiterated the movement with a natural ease that the silver haired boy hadn’t expected it to have, and he was suddenly ten feet higher than he had been.
“See?” Sora’s voice held an obvious note of triumph as Riku practiced the new motion, getting used to the feel of it.
“You’re right, Sora.” Riku replied as he swam closer to his friend. “It really isn’t that difficult at all.” He grabbed the brown haired boy into an overly-tight headlock that went a bit past friendly.
“You’re still in trouble for not telling me about needing a tail to visit your friend Ariel, though.” Riku said, giving Sora an aggressive noogie as he practiced using the new appendage to propel the two of them through the water.
Sora winced, and nodded in response.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-02 07:04 am (UTC)Oh dear, I laughed so hard when I realised why Riku couldn't swim. Sora could've warned him, the sneaky thing. XD
Some nitpicks; hope you don't mind:
Riku growled, flipping once experimentally only to get tangle himself up.
-- "only to get tangled up in himself", or "only to tangle himself up"
taut lines showing prominently on his tensed face
-- sounds rather redundant. Omitting the "tensed" at the end would make it sound better.
into an overly-tight headlock that went a bit passed friendly
-- problem with the tenses: I think you meant "a bit pass friendly".
And you misspelled Ariel's name. :)
Aside from that, this is piece is funny and well-written, and I enjoyed reading it very much.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-02 02:59 pm (UTC)Re: minding about nitpicks: On the contrary, I'm much obliged to you for finding them for me!!! My regular beta and I aren't in particularly good contact because it's summer, and I really appreciate your taking the time to point out the mistakes so I can fix them!!! (Which, by the way, is what I'm about to go do now. XD) Thank you!!! ^________^