FMA: Wondering
Apr. 26th, 2005 05:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laneroseThis belongs firmly to the genre of blink and miss it Royai, my personal fave style of that pairing. It follows in line with the two I wrote earlier but am too lazy to find a link for that are set post-25. This is also reason number one as to why I was up until something like 5 this morning only to get up at 7 and finish my freaking paper. XDD Anyways, Enjoy!
There was, she would later observe, a sort of bitter irony in it all. She had always wondered what he looked like without the masks that he wore. Had wondered what his face would show if he were being truthful to the world, instead of smirking at it continually as though he owned it when he wasn’t busy flattering some higher ranked official.
She’d wondered how he looked when he really loved someone. How he looked when it wasn’t just a matter of keeping up a playboy’s reputation. When he didn’t need to keep his revulsion away just long enough to take what he needed from those with more access to power.
It had fallen before. Never for a more than a second, but it had fallen. When people he cared about were in danger. When their lives were on the line and he had no guarantee they’d survive - even for simpler things when it came to the Elric brothers, who worried him as few ever had. She’d watched his brow crease for a moment, stretching in surprise, before his iron clad control closed his face off.
Pity she’d never gotten him to apply the same determination to paperwork.
Those moments had been what made her wonder. She felt certain that underneath everything he was sensitive, was unsuited to this awful life he’d chosen to live. His reasons were his own and she’d never needed to intrude on them, but she wondered.
The entire train ride back to Central, the mask had been slipping. Then again, with the brothers in some sort of danger, there was really nothing that could have prevented that. Funny that a man as young as he should treat two teenagers as his own children – not that she blamed him. Something about those two drew people in when they weren’t looking.
Major Armstrong had been waiting for them, greeting them at the station. The colonel had walked angrily over to him, eyes flashing and ready to lace into him until he confessed everything that had happened. Though she’d never admit it, she’d almost laughed at him then – a towering 5 foot nothing glaring up at the giant. Family traits, it seemed, could be passed in more ways than genetics.
Then the taller man had met his eyes, and the mask fell.
How he knew so immediately what was wrong escaped her even now. She wondered if it had been tears in the man’s eyes. They’d certainly been there by the time she reached the pair. The colonel’s expression had frozen, and as she rushed towards them she wondered what had happened to shatter his face in a way that made her own heart break from sympathy.
When his composure hadn’t returned by the time she’d reached his side, there had only been two possibilities she could think of, and neither bore the thought. She wondered which it was, but only idly – the thought of either crashed upon her as ice water. Her eyes flashed to the man who had greeted them, and without a word being said she ceased her wonderings. Had it been anything else, *he* would have been the one to greet them.
The mask hadn’t stayed down for long. She wondered, at times, if the cost of seeing such honesty in his face could possibly have been worth the price. Mostly, though, she wondered if he’d ever piece himself together again beneath it. In her more brutally honest moments, she couldn’t believe he would.
Sometimes wondering was the only thing that let her sleep at night.
There was, she would later observe, a sort of bitter irony in it all. She had always wondered what he looked like without the masks that he wore. Had wondered what his face would show if he were being truthful to the world, instead of smirking at it continually as though he owned it when he wasn’t busy flattering some higher ranked official.
She’d wondered how he looked when he really loved someone. How he looked when it wasn’t just a matter of keeping up a playboy’s reputation. When he didn’t need to keep his revulsion away just long enough to take what he needed from those with more access to power.
It had fallen before. Never for a more than a second, but it had fallen. When people he cared about were in danger. When their lives were on the line and he had no guarantee they’d survive - even for simpler things when it came to the Elric brothers, who worried him as few ever had. She’d watched his brow crease for a moment, stretching in surprise, before his iron clad control closed his face off.
Pity she’d never gotten him to apply the same determination to paperwork.
Those moments had been what made her wonder. She felt certain that underneath everything he was sensitive, was unsuited to this awful life he’d chosen to live. His reasons were his own and she’d never needed to intrude on them, but she wondered.
The entire train ride back to Central, the mask had been slipping. Then again, with the brothers in some sort of danger, there was really nothing that could have prevented that. Funny that a man as young as he should treat two teenagers as his own children – not that she blamed him. Something about those two drew people in when they weren’t looking.
Major Armstrong had been waiting for them, greeting them at the station. The colonel had walked angrily over to him, eyes flashing and ready to lace into him until he confessed everything that had happened. Though she’d never admit it, she’d almost laughed at him then – a towering 5 foot nothing glaring up at the giant. Family traits, it seemed, could be passed in more ways than genetics.
Then the taller man had met his eyes, and the mask fell.
How he knew so immediately what was wrong escaped her even now. She wondered if it had been tears in the man’s eyes. They’d certainly been there by the time she reached the pair. The colonel’s expression had frozen, and as she rushed towards them she wondered what had happened to shatter his face in a way that made her own heart break from sympathy.
When his composure hadn’t returned by the time she’d reached his side, there had only been two possibilities she could think of, and neither bore the thought. She wondered which it was, but only idly – the thought of either crashed upon her as ice water. Her eyes flashed to the man who had greeted them, and without a word being said she ceased her wonderings. Had it been anything else, *he* would have been the one to greet them.
The mask hadn’t stayed down for long. She wondered, at times, if the cost of seeing such honesty in his face could possibly have been worth the price. Mostly, though, she wondered if he’d ever piece himself together again beneath it. In her more brutally honest moments, she couldn’t believe he would.
Sometimes wondering was the only thing that let her sleep at night.
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Date: 2005-04-26 10:23 pm (UTC)This is also reason number one as to why I was up until something like 5 this morning only to get up at 7 and finish my freaking paper.
Linn's paper: Rough draft, 6.5 of at least 8. *dies*
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Date: 2005-05-06 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-06 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-06 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-06 03:15 pm (UTC)That's an interesting idea, though. I've been toying with it from time to time, but hey ~ if someone *else* is willing to write it... ^.~
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Date: 2005-05-06 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-06 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-06 03:52 pm (UTC)